A BandAid Romance
by BlueJasper
Summary: Willow ponders about fate and what Kennedy really means to her. Rated M for brief language, and adult situations.


**Band-aid Romance  
****by Jaspie_Twink**

**Disclaimer: **Joss Whedon owns the concept of and characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I make no profit from this... but if Joss Whedon and co. would like to hire me to legally write for them, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea. :)  
~+~

The Las Vegas night was warm; alive with lights, sounds and movements all blurring together for the delirium that fueled the "sin city". But none of that was touchable behind the glass window that sat on the second floor of the Budget Hotels of America right off Las Vegas Boulevard. Willow Rosenberg's Las Vegas was a tiny, dark room with a large bed that had been scooted to the side in order to create a spell casting area on the floor.

Needless to say, it was less than exciting. But that wasn't the reason the red-headed woman sat on the window sill and watched the world bustle with life. It wasn't the demons walking the streets and preying on the drunk and disorderly. It wasn't the string of potentials out preying on the demons. It wasn't even the lure to join those who found a way to escape the pains and stresses of their normal lives with a few weeks of giving into their own pleasures.

No, the reason that Willow stayed at that window was as cliché as it got: her heart was broken, and nothing inside of the room - not even the beautiful naked woman that lie asleep on their bed - could comfort her.

Kennedy was a nice distraction. Although loud and sometimes controlling, she was the perfect _yang_ to Willow's _yin. _She also adored Willow, and even though they fought over some of the stupidest things, Kennedy would always find a way to make it work. It was just unfortunate that Willow didn't mirror the feelings.

Yes, she loved Kennedy. The fear of Kennedy's sudden death during one of her hunts was always lurking in Willow's mind, haunting her dreams and manipulating her decisions. But to give herself completely over to the relationship? Willow had thought it over and decided that she was going to ride it out as long as the riding was good. When it was over, though, she wasn't going to get on again. She was going to move on. Kennedy was a temporary fix to loneliness and - though Willow felt shallow admitting it - horniness.

It was a band-aid romance. The kind you remove once the scars healed.

Willow choked for a moment. As much as she wanted to cry, she wasn't going to. She had a good life. Wrought with destruction of biblical proportions, but good nonetheless. She had the sort of friends who would literally die for her; the powers that people only dreamed about; and a whole line of beautiful young women who saw her as a powerhouse leader and role model. She'd already had two soul mates; why should she be expecting more?

Yes, two soul mates… Willow did cry as she remembered them both. Oz was her fire. The passion between them was impossible to ignore or deny. They loved each other, truly and deeply. The problems came with the moon. The moon made them both insanely powerful. The difference was that Oz's power hurt him. Which means it hurt her.

But he broke up with her. Or did she break up with him? Things were so messy that night, it was hard for Willow to really remember anything other than that feeling of her heart being sucked right out of her chest. Oz with _her_, that she-wolf whore. Oz going crazy. Oz saving the day. Oz telling Willow that he was going away. The crazy rush of emotions as she sat in his van, listening to words that were destroying her while clinging onto the anger and frustration in order to hate him. Because it was so much easier than admitting they'd both screwed up.

Truth be told, Willow had never got over it. Though she'd like to think she "discovered" all those feelings weren't real and that she was just following societies ideas about what she, as a woman, should feel; the truth was that inside, a piece of her still belonged to him. She loved him. She really, truly loved him.

Then there was Tara Maclay. If Oz was Willow's passion, then Tara was Willow's spirit. A fellow witch, Willow realized she and Tara were meant to be together the minute they touched hands and combined their first spell. Tara didn't make Willow go crazy with emotions like Oz did. But unlike with Oz, when Willow was with Tara, she felt completely at peace. Their souls were literally made to go together, and things just didn't seem right when Tara wasn't there.

Yes, there was a physical lust. But there was something more. They cast spells and it felt like having sex - and yes, Willow cast _a lot_ of spells. They fell into each others arms and time stopped to let them. They looked into each others eyes, and all the problems of the world felt small. It was something that Willow couldn't remember if she had with Oz. A feeling of family.

And then Tara was gone. A stray bullet meant for someone else took her away. And Willow couldn't do a thing about it. All that rage. All that hatred. All that power boiled down to nothing, because nothing could fix death.

Willow didn't get a choice to lose either one of them. They were taken away by the same fate that told them to be together. Now there was just Kennedy, trying her best to please a woman who saw her as nothing more than a consolation prize. Because in the grand spectrum, that's all Kennedy really was. She was fate's way of apologizing for their fuck up. _Yeah, here's a new puppy to make up for us destroying your entire life. Now stop crying._

The melancholy musings held Willow to her window until she saw heard rustling on the bed behind her.

"Mmm, there you are," a familiar voice purred. "Looking like a Goddess with the moon in your hair."

Willow turned and gave Kennedy a faint smile. The dark haired woman had rolled over on her side. She looked happy. Willow felt a small pang of guilt. Kennedy was a human being, with human feelings. She deserved her own happiness. She deserved her own Tara.

"Ken, where do you think we're going?" Willow asked.

Kennedy sat up and gave Willow a worried glance. "I think that you and I are going to Scotland. We're going to create a secret society and save the world."

"No, I mean with _us_. Where do you think _this_-" Willow gestured to both of them. "-is going?"

If Kennedy had an epiphany, or any striking-like-dawn realizations, she didn't show it. Instead, she sighed in relief.

"_This_, our relationship, is going wherever it's going."

_Relationship._ _Their_ relationship. Not their _fling_. Not their _love fest._ Their relationship. As in, two souls intertwined. As in, 'Will you marry me and become _related_?' Willow curled her fingers into a fist. Mentally, she was punching herself with it, because she was a cold person. A cold, unfeeling person, who was using somebody without regards to their personal feelings.

Oh Goddess, had she become _that person?_

Kennedy seemed to sense that something was wrong, as she climbed out of the bed and walked over to her girlfriend. She wrapped her arms around Willow, and kissed her head.

"Look, the world is about to get crazy," She whispered. Long ago Buffy had told Kennedy about Tara. Instead of being jealous, Kennedy accepted that she'd never have that kind of commitment. She just had to be whatever Willow needed her to be. "Well, crazi_er. _Things are going to happen to us, and we might not even make it through together. But right now, I want to be happy. Are you happy?"

Willow shook her head. "No. I'm sad, Kennedy. I've lost so much."

Willow couldn't hold it back any longer. She turned into Kennedy's hug and wrapped her arms around her lover's waist. Tears fell freely from her eyes.

"Hey," Kennedy pet Willow's hair. "You've still got so much too. Your life is about to change forever, and, believe me, I know how that feels. But that's what life is. It changes. I mean, one minute you're the crazy lesbian in the dorm. The next, your destiny awakens and you're an ass-kicking vampire slayer."

The retelling, Kennedy style, of Willow's grand spell brought her enough out of her mood to notice something.

"Fate didn't bring you to me, did it?" Willow said, as she looked up and into Kennedy's dark eyes. Willow was certain her cheeks were puffy, red, and unattractive. Kennedy ran her fingers under Willow's chin, and brought her in for a kiss anyway.

"No. I'm here because of you."

Kennedy wasn't an apology. She wasn't a nothing. As Willow stood up, she pulled Kennedy in for another kiss. This one longer. Because Willow was beginning to feel something. She was beginning to feel powerful again.

The fates didn't give her Kennedy. Hell, if it were up to them, she'd be somewhere else until Buffy or Faith died. Willow broke destiny. She changed the game. Then Kennedy saw her, and she felt a schoolgirl crush blossoming. When it became clear that the feelings were mutual, Willow had, for the first time, entered into a _relationship _for herself. It wasn't "meant to be". It wasn't "written in the stars". It wasn't forced on them by anything or anyone. Kennedy was her choice.

As Willow and Kennedy fell onto the bed together, Willow couldn't help but see her in a brand new light. Scotland would come. Willow would be there with Kennedy at her side. Tara would be waiting for her in heaven. Oz would be waiting for her on Earth. As Kennedy said, they'd go wherever it was they were going, and if Willow wanted to, she could break path. She could look fate in the eye and blow it a raspberry. Destiny couldn't control her anymore. She was her own woman.

"I love you so much," Kennedy said, without a single hint of irony.

"This moment," Willow stated. "Is perfect."

And for the first time in a long time, she actually meant it.

~+~  
**Notes from the author**

This story largely follows an argument I had with my friend regarding theories about Willow's sexuality. She believes that Willow is bisexual and that the episode where Oz came back was just Joss Whedon's way of trying to smooth things over with the new crowd of people who didn't like Tara because Oz and Willow were "soul-mates". I have and always will believe that Oz and Tara are both metaphorical representations of the different sides of Willow, and that they are, in fact, both her destiny (as stated in the above story). But we both didn't like Kennedy...

Until I started the reading new comic books, that is. Please, leave constructive criticism. I appreciate it. Thank you for wasting your time with me. :)


End file.
